ONLY KIDDING.
well sort of
Greetings once more friends, family and fiends. I hope I find you all in good health this lovely benighted morning, and that you're enjoying yourselves as much as I've been lately. It's 5:00 or so in the morning, one of those lonely hours where I'm the only living thing up and moving (well besides the occasional kitty and/or Arte), and the silence is something of a mixed blessing. I often wind up writing at such times, the quiet is admittedly conducive to such thought, allowing me to hear myself rather than those around me. Within me there is a sort of hum, a kind of constant inner dialogue between my many selves. Silence outside lets me better hear each voice and what it has to say, though sometimes this can lead to a state of turmoil as my conflicting natures begin to quarrel rising into a state of hellish mental cacophony - and a rather splitting headache (though not one a hot cup of aniseed tea can't relieve.) Another downside is the loneliness of that still saturninity that rests upon those wee hours like a gloomish pall. There is a kind of despair bred only by solitude, and I fear I find myself more susceptible to this poison than most. I can say with all honesty that I'd rather be locked in a room with my worst enemy for a day than be alone for a night.
Still it is only through exploring those taciturn doldrums that I come to better know myself, and to fully appreciate the presence of others once they wake. Waiting for them to rise each day makes me think of our ancestors, how each winter they awaited the spring and every night, the day. The change of seasons and the sun were what ruled their existence, determining the harvest and year. For me, it is my friends, my family I await, not the spring or sun or light of day. It is not the harvest I take pains to secure but their smiles, laughter and hearts. They are my world, callous as I may act towards them at times. The thought of them is the only thing that can calm the flames of inner strife when my thoughts run wild; one of the few things that lets me keep my quiet vigil in those still, lifeless hours before dawn.
Even now my mind wanders as my hands halfheartedly type, thinking of Artemus and his surprisingly conspicuous absence. He's been here less than half a year and already he's become a fixture of the family. In that brief time he's managed to evolve from vague acquaintance to dearest friend - perhaps mentor - even becoming something of a confidant at times, quite an achievement when one considers my paranoid distrust of almost all things. Even though he's only gone till Tuesday I miss him. I find myself running to his room to tell him something I just thought of or a funny joke only to find it empty. I suppose I feel his absence so sharply because he's often the only other person awake or home half the time. Plus without him around to mock me I start to take myself too seriously in a dreadful way - Endiry the stoic, forlorn creature! O how she suffers so! Nathan of course does his best to keep me honest too, but unfortunately he's at school or work (or sleeping) a good bit of the time I'm awake. Tomorrow (well really today I suppose) I go with him to the church he and Arte work at to see them sing. Arte in particular has an upcoming solo I wouldn't miss for the world (he has such a lovely baritone voice).
On a slightly lighter and mostly unrelated matter (mostly), I've become utterly enthralled and consumed by Fallout: New Vegas. Well, Caesar's Legion to be more precise. I love its characters - I can't help it, I've always had a weakness for antagonists (and a soft spot for crucifixion, said the girl going to church in a few hours), plus Romans. ROMANS. How could a history and empire lovin' gal like me resist? It does put me at odds with pretty much everyone, though - I've yet to run across a single friend who plays Legion, though I'm hoping to maybe make some new ones on some of the fan sites. I've already endeared myself on one page, becoming something of the de facto artist (see self-ish portrait below). This game has even sparked a small miracle - I'm learning to roleplay (something I never had the nerve to do before) and write fan-fiction (something I stopped doing over half a decade ago and never took seriously.) Thankfully Arte's there to show me the ropes, being a seasoned veteran of both. There's even been talk of him, Nat, and I (and a few friends) doing an online series. Hell, I've already begun work on my character Sejanus (once more see below), though the Legion's attitude towards women makes things .... interesting, to say the least.
Well, I believe tha-th-tha-th-tha-tha-that's all folks, for now anyways. Nathan want's to be woken up at 5:30 and I've no intention of cutting it close. There's coffee and breakfast to be made, and I'm all that's awake to do the making, not that I mind. I love doing things for loved ones. Oh, and just in case I'm not on by tomorrow (the 17th, that is) io Saturnalia amicis meis! (Sorry if that's off - my Latin's always been iffy at best being self-taught as a kid, and it's further degenerated due to lack of use.)
'True To Caesar', portrait of Decanus Sejanus
drawn and coloured 12-15-12
pen, pencil, sharpie, markers
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